Small penises have feelings too.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
