I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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