haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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