suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
