john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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