cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
false alarm. still invincible.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
