even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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