I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
