So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I love you.
Bad choice
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