well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
