he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
