Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My pussy is not your playground.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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