I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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