He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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