I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
