I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
