I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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