I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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