You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
