i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
