I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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