I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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