We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
