So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
