Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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