Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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