Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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