Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
