ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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