just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
