i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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