4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
