Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
