she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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