Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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