Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
