It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
