You're so nebulous sometimes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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