Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize