apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
