I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
