I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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