we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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