Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
