i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize