so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I need moral support for this bender
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
