Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
