five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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