I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
