Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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