so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
