he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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