Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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