Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
