I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
