While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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