sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
