took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
