listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize