How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
