I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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