Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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