he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
