Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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