Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
