What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We need to get me chipped asap
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
