She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
