margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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