At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
