wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
