that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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