so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
