whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
