you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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