i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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