She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
