shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
