My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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