yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
