Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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