i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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