Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
