Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
