Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
