the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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