The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
