and next time when you feel me up, do it right
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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