having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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