Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
