I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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