guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
