I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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