Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
