how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize