The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if only i could text you this smell
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
