i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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