Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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