thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
