We're facebook friends in real life
Just fell off a train. Bad.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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