My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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