U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
