Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
