I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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