You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
