i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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