So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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