When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
