Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
