I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
