he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
