I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
